Getting Old A Short Published In The Book “A Quick Read”

Alone I sit by my window. I watch the world now with little participation. Befuddled in my thoughts at times, I smile to myself at some distant memory. Cradled in my heart is my life’s story.

Damn, why did I waste so much time being foolish? Envy took up a good part of it. Foolish choices made on the spur of a moment can turn out to cost you more than money. Gratitude was short lived as I climbed the mountain to success.  Humility was just a word on a sign posted on an old wooden board along the way. I paid little attention to it. Independence was my goal; I would never ask for help. How foolish….

Junctions in my life were ignored as my ego grew.  Knowledge was what I craved; I knew it all, or so I thought.  Love came and I let it go; it required too much of me and would take me off my path. Money was my goal, lots of money would give me freedom from the poverty that dwelled in my heart and soul. Narcissism played the music I danced to.

Often I would close myself up to kindness and humility as I had people to use and places to conquer. Passing through the doorways of life I never stopped to smell the flowers or feel the sunshine on my shoulders.

Quietly and swiftly time marched on, and so did I. Roads lay before me: the choice was mine to pick and boldly I traveled the road to success, or so I thought. Success came and plenty of money lined my pockets; I could have the freedom I craved, I was happy, or was I?

Time passes faster as we age; it stops for no one – I realized that one day when I looked in the mirror. Up, on top of the mountain finally, but as I looked around I was all alone. Virtual silence filled my world, no one to share my success with, no one to love, no children, only material success.

What have I done and why didn’t I stop to read the signs along the way about love, laughter, help, humility, caring, sharing, and the many more were ignored. Exit is now the only sign I can see – a big sign I cannot ignore and I wonder what’s on the other side of it; I am frightened and alone.

Yesterdays are gone, and although I thought I made all the right turns, there are no more choices.

Zero is what I had coming into this world, zero is what I will leave with….

THE FUTURE

It has been some time since I have posted on this blog. Time slips by so quickly, and the older you get the quicker it goes.

The past months have been filled with tasks, travel, sadness, happiness, and laughter. On the bright side I had the opportunity to visit with my son Kevin and his family. He and his wife have gifted us with two wonderful boys. I feel like they were just born and now Kevin Jr. is turning 13, and Chris will be 11 this year. Time and the future are bearing down on me faster than I would like.  I also have two beautiful granddaughters that live here in Florida and I get to see them on a daily basis. They all bring joy to my heart, a reward for my efforts to leave my mark in this world.

At my age (72) the future is not a place I will be able to experience. I have already experienced my future, so I now peruse the past. Yes, it seems that the past is where I belong. It is a comfortable place for me to visit. I think most people when we hit a certain age tend to travel back because we know we can not step over that thresh hold called the future. We, or at least I know that my future is relatively short and so the past is where I am comfortable. The most I can hope for is that I have touched someone and made a difference in their life.  I also hope that I will be remembered by the future generations of our families. However it seems to me that the younger generation views the past differently than my generation. I don’t think they hold it with as much reverence. I could be wrong about this, I hope I am.

When I think about the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and so on, I have lived quite a life. Lived through and can bear witness to too many wars, but also witnessed the first man to travel into outer space, and the first man to walk on the moon. I have lived among some courageous men and women. I enjoyed terrific entertainers like Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, George Burns and Gracie Allen and of course Lucy and Desi  and many others. I was a part of the original “ROCK AND ROLL,” generation!  The pace was slower then and people were more friendly. We actually lived in neighborhoods where every one knew you and your family. We lived close to our cousin’s, aunt’s and uncles. We did not have a TV until I was eight years old, there was one clock in our house and the telephone belonged to our parents. We played games like stick ball, potsy (some call it hop scotch), jump rope, box ball, stoop ball and a host of other games. We held puppet shows and made forts, we slid down dirt hills on cardboard and roller skated on skates with metal wheels. The girls had paper dolls and the boys saved baseball cards. We collected bottle caps to put in the spokes of our bicycle’s. Yes folks I do visit the past quite often. There is much to share with the younger generation and we are all willing, but the question is do they want to know about it? I don’t think they do. Time is speeding by so fast they don’t seem interested. They can look it up on their phone or I pad. The part they won’t get to see is the look in our eyes as we take you all on a wonderful trip back to the future.