I hesitated to write about this. It was so many years ago, but lasted a life time. I was sixteen when I met him, (I will refer to him as L.J.) he was 13 years older than me. I was an operator and he called for information and did not know the correct name, I told him that I would call him back with the information if he would like. L.J. was friendly and funny. I liked his voice, it sounded sincere and he had a beautiful laugh. He gave me his number and made me promise to call him. I did.
I called him back with the information on my lunch hour. He thanked me and then started chatting with me. He was funny and sweet all at the same time. I also promised to call him back the next day. L.J. was older than me by 13 years. He told me he loved my voice and asked me questions about my family. He also asked me how old I was. I told him the truth. I would be seventeen the following month. He told me he was twenty nine. He owned a company in New York City. He was single and lived with his family. Mother, Father, Brothers and a Sister.
We spoke almost daily for over a year. I was falling in love with a voice on the telephone.
He finally asked me to come to his home for Sunday dinner. He assured my parents he was not a killer or a nut. He did have a disability. He was blind. My parents agreed to let me go for dinner. They liked him immediately. I had a wonderful time. His family treated me like they knew me forever. L.J. was kind, funny, handsome, smart, and understanding. I fell in love with his family almost instantly.
The first time I kissed him was the following year at a New Years Eve party at his home. I was so in love with him, but did not have the nerve to tell him. I thought he would reject me because of our age difference, and I was an eighteen year old girl with no life experience. He was a grown man, and very worldly. I thought he felt the same way but he never told me so.
At eighteen I started going out with my friends and meeting other guys. However I still called L.J. and he never refused to take my calls. Our relationship or friendship, I really didn’t know what it was. It went on for years. When I was twenty I met a young man that I thought I fell in love with. I called L.J. to let him know. I thought he would tell me that he loved me, but no. I married the following year.
We kept in touch for many years. He was there when I went through my divorce. He called me all the time trying to comfort me. I had been married for about ten years and had two children.
He called me one day to tell me he was getting married. I was silent. He asked me if I was happy for him. I told him no. I also finally told him how much I loved him since I was a teenager. Now it was his turn to get quiet. He asked me why I didn’t tell him. I told him I thought he would make fun of me. I asked him why he didn’t tell me. He told me he thought I would make fun of him, especially since he was so much older and blind to boot. We both cried. I wished him well and we said good bye for the last time.
I never forgot him, his imprint was always in my heart. He was my first true love. That was over thirty years ago.
Last night for some reason I had a dream about L.J.. It was such a beautiful dream and I felt so much love in it. When I woke up I was puzzled why I dreamt about him. I thought about him all day. Something made me punch his name in the computer, and there it was,his Obituary. He had passed away. I cried, again my heart was broken. Yet I felt his presence, I felt him hug me and said I will always love you L.J. RIP.