LOVES SECRETS

I’d appreciate some honest comments on the following. If this was a book would you buy it after reading the following. Thanking you all in advance. Patricia

Emoline Bronson looked out the window of the train. It was raining and she was trying to concentrate on the droplets that landed and were slowly making their way down the glass. However only one thought kept running through her mind. To kill or not to kill. All of her logic told her kill. Her heart however told her not to kill. The torment brought tears to her eyes. Could she take the life that was growing inside of her and just discard it without remorse.

 

26 thoughts on “LOVES SECRETS

  1. Most of all, we writers need honest feedback, so here goes: This looks and feels like a preface or the start of the first chapter. It tries to bring in more back story earlier than needed and does not open with a grabber. You have that with the pregnancy. Suggest you move that to the opening. If the plan was for this to be a ‘teaser’, it’s too long, and much too long as a back cover blurb. Hope this helps. best of luck.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s certainly got the makings of one. However, I have to agree with the comments above mine, Patricia. I found it a bit short and shape in places similar to a blurb, but then overstretched. This could also be a synopsis as it has that ‘feel’ about it. Overall I believe it has substance but doesn’t flow as the first chapter of a book should. If you put the last bit first it could work….But I would buy it anyway….

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  3. I liked this, Patricia. I loved the start of it with the horrible decision that needs to be made. I am not sure if you should reveal the death of the boyfriend so soon if this is to be a novel but it also depends on what the story is going to be about.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This has hooked me. This may be bad advice, but I just write and piece it together later like a quilt. I can never tell what the characters will do though I usually start out with a plan. I never ditch anything. Just because it doesn’t work today doesn’t mean the idea won’t develop.

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  5. Thanks Linda, I always love your comments.
    I’m not finished with it. I am deciding if I’m going to put it into an Anthology or post it as a story on this blog. I want to do an Anthology, just have to decide what stories will be included.

    I finally started Poke Salad and I’m loving it as usual I’ll hopefully finish it today if I get the heck off this computer and go back to reading. I have so many books that I have to read and review. I am determined to do a few this week. I hope no one throws a wrench in my plans. ☺☺☺

    Like

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