WILL TOMORROW EVER COME

I lay in the hospital bed at Columbia Presbyterian in New York. It is ten thirty pm., and the nurses continue to give me enemas to clean out my colon. I can barely walk at this point and tell the nurse this is the last one. I feel like my legs won’t last another trip to the bathroom. The enemas stop and I am left with my thoughts about tomorrow morning. Will it be the last morning for me, will I never see my children again or my family for that matter. I left instructions with my husband and my sisters, they were trying to encourage me but with tears in their eyes. My children were four, nine and eleven. They needed me. I was only thirty nine and Cancer was my enemy. I prayed again that night to my God, please let me make it through this nightmare and stay here on this earth just until my children were old enough to take care of themselves, after that he could take me anytime he wanted, but not now, please not now. I drifted off to sleep and awoke or dreamed I awoke, and there sitting on my bed was my mom. She looked young and beautiful. I thought this couldn’t be true my mom had passed away nine years before, but there she was. I heard her voice telling me, “you will be fine I am here to take care of you, I will always take care of you”. I felt her hand caress my cheek I started to cry and remember asking her why? Why me? What about my kids, what will they do without me. She smiled at me and told me to go to sleep. I woke up to the voices of my husband, my sister and my brother. It was six am. I was due for surgery at seven. The nurse came in and shot something to calm me into the IV. I remember we professed our love for one another and my brother bent over and kissed my forehead and a tear from his eyes fell upon my cheek.

I was moved a few minutes later to surgery. It was so cold. Doctors and nurses all around me, a bright white light shining in my eyes, a voice telling me to count back from one hundred and then nothing. I remember thinking well if I die at least I won’t feel it. I didn’t die I woke up in the early evening and there they were my husband, sister and brother who was caressing my cheek and calling my name. I opened my eyes but couldn’t focus on their faces, I could just hear their voices. I fell back into a deep sleep. I dream t about the time I had pneumonia and my mom sat by my bed all night putting cool compresses on my forehead. I woke up and the sun was shining in my room. I raised my arm and felt a tube coming out of my nose and the sound of machines and then pain but that meant I made it. I didn’t die I would see my children again. No matter what happens after this doesn’t matter my mom kept her promise, she took care of me I was going to be fine.

I did get cancer again twice more in my life but I knew each time I would be fine because my mom would be there to take care of me. I am now going on 74, all of my children graduated university, have good jobs and married wonderful partners. They all have gifted me with beautiful grand children who bring so much joy to us. And, my mom watches.

59 thoughts on “WILL TOMORROW EVER COME

    • Thank you doctor, you are a gem in the medical world. You are a doctor that truly cares about people so it is I that thank you and all the really caring, good doctors like you in this crazy world we live in. Me? I am happy when I open my eyes in the morning I am gifted another day to enjoy life.
      Thank you for your kind comment. And, I so enjoy your posts. ☺☺

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Wow, what a story! A three time survivor!!! Praise the Lord indeed. And I didn’t realze we are the same age. I’m so glad we are both still here. This is an incredible and lovely telling of your story dear Patricia. Love and hug, N 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My daughter lost her one and only pregnancy at about three months. When she married, her husband had a 2 year old daughter from his first marriage, and she is now at sophomore in college. And though we’ve been close, I’ve always known her real grandparents are her first choice and I’m okay with that. Then Nikki and Chris adopted two Guatemalan boys a year apart in age. Alex, the one who was abused, was the first one, and we’ve always had kind of special bond.
    James and adore that child so much and he was such a delight as a child. His brother Joseph who is not biologically his brother is also a favorite of mine but in a somewhat different way. Joe has Aspergers but is on the low end of the autism spectrum. His early years were very challenging but he has grown into the neatest kid. Before they moved, he was my yard buddy and helper while his older brother went with James to play golf. I couldn’t love either of these boys any more if they had been born to my daughter. And when they first came, James and I took them one day a week to give Nikki a day to herself. It became our Mompie and Big Daddy day as they called it, and we had sooooo much fun with them. So since they moved last March James and I have missed our weekly doings with them so much. And being here instead of there with them has made this ordeal with Alex even harder because I couldn’t be there to see him and talk to him. Two things have happened though this year that made it the best birthday I’ve ever had and the best Christmas I’ve ever had. Nikki and Joe surprised me and came here on my birthday, and at Christmas while we were in Colorado Springs we were to meet everybody at a restaurant before I got to go the hospital to see Alex and when I got out of the car, I was being careful because there was snow on the ground and when I felt someone’s hands on my shoulders I assumed it was James, but when I got up on the dry sidewalk and they were still holding onto me I turned to see why and it was Alex. He had gotten to leave the hospital that day and Nikki wanted it to be a surprise, I threw my arms around him and started crying like a baby. I told him I was 74 years old and that he was my best Christmas present ever which is exactly what I had told Nikki and Joe on my birthday. Love, N

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blogger Daily – 3rd March 2017 – Gratitude, Ziggy Stardust, Spam emails, Tailorbirds and World Book Day | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

  4. Thank You Jessica for your beautiful comment.
    Cancer always poses a challange, not just to the victiim but the family members as well.
    My mother lost her mother when she was about four years old and yes she was a strong woman and a loving mother. Her life was not easy but we were loved and cared for, isn’t that what counts as you grow from childhood to adulthood. We pass on what we have learned from our parents. Although my parents had passed before the first time I got Cancer, I still had five siblings I could count on and extended family members as well. My story is longer than my post but I posted what was most memorable to me. Prayer, faith and determination helped too.

    Like

  5. Thank you for sharing your beautiful post, Patricia. It is very brave of you. My Mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of January 2014. It was terrible and so unexpected. My Mom was amazing for a 74 year old and was so trendy and full of life. I couldn’t speak about her diagnosis to anyone for 2 weeks. It just churned inside me and I felt sick all the time. On 18 Feb my Mom had a mastectomy and then she started chemo. Her cancer was more complicated as she also had the bad gene so I fought to get her the very expensive special treatment she needed. She has now been in remission for 18 months and I pray to God it remains that way. I feel for your family, it is such a hard thing to watch someone you love go through. Well done to you all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • What a wonderful comment Robbie, family is so important when someones life is at stake. You are a great daughter and I am sure your mom is thankful for you and your determination to help her. Please give her a hug from me, one survivor to another and I will keep her continued good health in my prayers. Thank you for telling how Cancer can affect the family. You are pretty brave yourself. I’d have you on my team any time. ☺☺ xo

      Like

    • Thank you for your wonderful comment.
      Yes I know first hand how Cancer can scare the wits out of a person but my faith, knowing my mom would always be with me and my families supporting love and prayers I would beat Cancer. I posted that story to give hope to others in the same position. ☺☺☺

      Liked by 1 person

  6. My gosh Patricia, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. You are truly a warrior woman! I’m seem to gravitate to those types of women, no wonder we connected! And without a doubt it was your mother you heard and the one who guided you back to wellness. God bless. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Debby. A warrior woman, almost like the “Ya Ya Sisterhood”, I like that. Probably passed on to me from my mom, now there was a warrior woman. She lost her mom when she was just four years old. My daughter was four at the time of my first bout with Cancer. I guess she wasn’t going to let that happen again. And, you are right, my mom was there that night. Life has humbled me many times but it has also given me much joy. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      • Wow! I just got goosebumps reading that your mom lost her mom at 4 yrs old and ironically, your daughter was 4 when you were ill – your mom definitely had a hand in your recovery! Amen! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  7. That is a wonderful story, despite the fact you had to go through that. I lost my grandmother to colon cancer, so I know how hard it is. It’s a blessing that you had your mother in spirit. And God is indeed loving and merciful. He surely answered your prayer. Not only did you see your children through, but You’re seeing your grandchildren through. I’m glad that you shared your testimony. Happy womens day to you too! ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  8. What an amazing story, before I had a scare last year I heard a voice telling me that I was going to be very ill, but not to worry because I would not die. Obviously I didn’t…. I too believe that our loved ones and higher forces are around us all the time and we are truly blessed. 🌹

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Being able to get up everyday alive is a blessing and we tend to take it for granted love this post🙌🏼❤️ do check out my two new blog posts about my trip to Barbados would love to know what you think 😊

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s